This girl is more easily done than said...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
