Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
