Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
