I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
