I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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