we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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