youre lurking in front of me
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
