Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
