it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
