forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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