Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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