he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
