Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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