genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
i out mim tonsoeep
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
