We won't sleep together?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
