how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
