im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize