i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
