Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
