I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
