Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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