I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
