i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
