Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize