Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
