i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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