i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
