Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
