Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He felt like a one man threesome
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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