Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
