K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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