I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
