i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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