it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
