Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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