he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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