the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
