dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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