I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
