I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
