I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
