I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
