well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Boobs are out for the taking
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
