was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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