I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
