Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
