So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
