how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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