Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
