The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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