I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
