yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize