if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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