I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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