I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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