You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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