p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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