I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It's official drugs can't kill me
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
