I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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