you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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