You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
