Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize