im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
