dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
