I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
only you would photoshop your dick
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
