Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
