Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
