I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
